Twice...

My plan is to go to Pilates after work so I pack up all my workout gear and head to work. Pilates doesn't start until 5:30, but I prefer to be prepared in case something comes up. But, I get all the way to work and realize that I have left my mat at home. Not the end of the world because they have mats at the gym, but still, totally not ideal.

I've also made plans to workout with another friend after Pilates around 8 o'clock. So in theory, I'll be going to the gym twice in one day. IN. ONE. DAY. Yeah, crazy I know, but apparently I can't get enough. The gym is like drugs. The only thing I've been this obsessed about is cookie dough, and heavens knows that was not a healthy habit. I'm addicted to fitness.

Work ends and I drive home. And I get home around 4:50. That leaves me forty minutes until Pilates starts. Holy crap I think I planned ahead too much. I have to now waste time at home before I go. So, I check my email, read Yahoo news, amuse myself with reddit and squeeze in (or out) a last minute poop. Then I grab my mat and head to Pilates.

I meet Megan at the gym but I have to run downstairs and change and when I come back up, everyone is already in the room with spots chosen so I have to plant myself in the worst possible location: smack dab in front of the door. Thank goodness everyone walking past is going to be able to look in and see my chubby self sweating and struggling through this class.

It's another new teacher, today. But Beth is great because she's kind of self deprecating and brings great humor to the class. She also starts off by giving everyone permission to rest when they need to, which makes me feel reassured. I'm still embarrassed to drop a pose simply because my muscles aren't strong enough, but I shouldn't expect to be really great at Pilates after only four classes.

After class, I change and on my way out I run into Justin. We chat for a few minutes and he chastises me for using the calf machine because I'm working out one of the smallest muscles in my body. My response is that I have no idea what I'm doing. And then he drops a pearl of wisdom. "There are two types of people that need personal trainers: those with the motivation who have no idea what to do, and those who know what to do but have no motivation." So if you are one of those types of people, join a gym and get a personal trainer.

I say goodbye to Carla and tell her that I might be back later tonight. At home I relax on the couch and watch TV, deciding I will not be going back to the gym. But my last episode of Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23 ends right at 8:00 and so I force myself to return to the gym and hit the pool.

I'm bound and determined to swim at least half a mile, tonight. I check the info board on my way in to see how many lengths of the pool I have to do. 1 mile is 82 lengths of the pool, so that means I have to do 41 lengths to reach my goal of half a mile. I do 12 lengths of freestyle, 10 using the kick board, 10 of backstroke, 6 more of freestyle, 2 more with the kickboard, and finally 2 more of backstroke. Essentially I feel like jelly when I'm done.

Yes, yes I am.

I chill in the steam room for a good 6 minutes (progress!) where I meet a very interesting individual who used to be a body-builder, but an injury forced him to stop training and he's just started coming back to the gym. I prefer silence when I'm in the presence of strangers in a steam room, but if you feel the need to talk, more power to you.

Sweat...

Today when I go to the gym, I once again begin in the weight room. Because it's legs, I decide I'm going to conquer the calf machine. Unfortunately, I fail miserably. No matter what I do, the thing stays locked in place. I even watched someone use it yesterday and it looked really easy, but I have no success as I pull locks and push levers. Anyone want to help me out with this?! The machine looks like this:

I will defeat you one day, Satan Machine

I also forgot to wipe down a machine today. So I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a phone call and be told that I am no longer welcome at the establishment.

After working my gluteus maximus, I go back to the locker room. On my way, I pass CJ. 'Don't even think about speaking to me,' I think to myself. He must be a mind reader because he doesn't even look at me. Then, I change into my bathing suit for another night in the pool. Thankfully, I am able to enter the water without falling on my soon-to-be-toned buns of steel. I also remember to bring goggles so that I can swim without looking like a total idiot. I do several laps freestyle, with just my legs, and using just my arms. I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday.

But this is why I hate swimming. It defies all logic that I should be sweating doing something in which I am submerged in water. I simply can not fathom how this can happen. And don't be the loser who tries to explain why I still sweat even in water. I will unfriend you on facebook and not feel badly about it.

I swim for half an hour then head back to the locker room to shower and change. But curiosity gets the better of me and I decide to explore the shower area. Not only are there showers in there, but there is a hot tub, a sauna, and a steam room. This is the best gym ever. 

I decide to start with the familiar territory of the sauna. These used to terrify me as a kid because it was always difficult for me to breathe in them. Thankfully, with age comes experience and I can say, with confidence, I have triumphed over my fear of saunas. I sit in the sauna for about 10 minutes, then exit, for fear that I may fall asleep and be slow-cooked to perfection.

I decide to be adventurous and try the steam room and suddenly realize that I have replaced my fear of saunas with the fear of steam rooms. 

I expected something calm and relaxing, like this. Instead, I almost died.

All of my senses are assaulted at once and I think I may be having a stroke. It smells like medicine, I feel hot and sticky, there is a steady hissing noise (also reawakening my fear of snakes), and my vision goes blurry from an inability to see anything through all the steam. Like a mature adult, I force myself to sit in the steam room for a full 4 minutes before my fear takes control and I have to leave.

Moral of the story, steam rooms are kind of scary and be very careful when searching for images of 'steam room' online.