Elephant...

Consider yourselves lucky as I've been really inspired to post recently. Hopefully that means a brief respite from monotony as you read my incredibly witty and inspiring posts. Speaking of feeling inspired, I'm so inspired after work that I go to the gym a full 45 minutes before Dynamic Core starts. I stop and say hi to Taylor and complain about all the new staff members they have at the gym and how I don't like it. I don't want to spend time to get to know these new people, which sounds awful, I know, but it's true.

With my extra time I decide to do cardio. Dynamic Core is practically exclusively muscle training so this really should be a habit, but often times I feel lazy after work. I opt for the same elliptical that I used yesterday when I kicked butt. I hop on and start doing that thing. After a minute and I half I start to notice this we're squeaking and clicking noise over the sound of my jams. I take out my headphones to find the source of this annoying sound.

Lo and behold, it's coming from my elliptical machine. And then I start to second guess the stability of the machine and I begin to think that I may die if I remain on this machine. So I get off and swap to a different one, which is much better. During my time on the machine, I see Christine and through my powers of persuasion, convince her to come to Dynamic Core with Best Friend Rachel and me.

After my twenty minutes on the elliptical (yes, you read that right, twenty whole minutes!) we head upstairs and prepare for the death that is Dynamic Core. I don't think Best Friend Rachel and I do a good job of encouraging Christine because all we keep saying is that it's really hard and there are a lot of squats and push ups. I wouldn't want to try it after that recommendation. I at least occasionally interject a "But you'll have fun" so I have to get some credit for kind of trying.

It's a busy night, with all the older women determined to be first into the room. Honestly ladies, let's settle down. It's boring for me to explain each and every thing we do, so just imagine a lot of work with weights and the aforementioned push ups and squats. Oh, and Kiki throws this gem at us. We all are instructed to get an exercise ball (ranging from 2-6 lbs) and to stand next to the bar if we think we'll need it. And then we are instructed to stand (yes, stand) on the exercise ball. A ball. A round thing that we have to keep balanced or literal concussions may happen. 

Honestly I felt like a circus elephant, only not supporting other elephants

So, we're in this precarious position and we have to additional squats. I actually do surprise myself with my ability to balance pretty well, but I'm convinced it's because I've practically flattened the ball. I am still a fat person, keep in mind. Other members of the class are much more impressive with their balancing.

Thankfully no concussions happen and class ends with everyone feeling incredibly successful. As Kiki encourages us to say, we are all fabulous. And it's hard not to feel that way when I was just BALANCING ON A FRIGGIN BALL. 

Four...

Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, four months ago I began this journey of bettering (not buttering) myself by becoming more healthy and I can say, with much pride, that four months ago I was 26 lbs heavier. That is an average of one and a quarter pounds a week. That was also over two holidays where one of the main purposes is to consume ridiculous amounts of food.

Do I wish it was more? Yes. Am I discouraged? Get off the internet if you think I'm discouraged. This is awesome. I set a goal and for four months I have been working towards it and this proves that I am successful. So take that, stupid people who scoff when I tell them I go to the gym. When was the last time you lost 26 pounds? 

This is the more slender face of someone who is pretty darn pleased with themselves

And I've worked hard for it. Just ask Best Friend Rachel who endured Dynamic Core with me on Tuesday. During class we do a total of probably around 200 lunges in various directions and probably a good 75 squats. The next day, it's painful to sit down on a couch so I can be lazy. Like really painful. But I've come to enjoy the soreness that comes from workouts. It means changes are happening. 

Thankfully, I recover by Thursday, or at least recover enough to do Pilates. The only problem is that I'm feeling a little gassy. Good thing I'm a trained actor so I can pretend that I'm taking breaks because I'm sore instead of taking breaks to avoid breaking wind. I do it for you, ladies of Pilates, because I'm such a nice guy.

With the break after the Christmas season at Target, I've had much more time to kick it in to high gear once again, so expect big changes in the coming months. Also, I vow to do better with the whole photo progress portion and seeing as I've decided to stop making empty promises, you know it's really going to happen.

Cravings...

I spend the whole day being super psyched about going to the gym, tonight. It's been too long and exercise really has become an addiction. If it wasn't evidenced by doing sit-ups and push-ups when I couldn't sleep last night, it's proven by the fact that I am giddy when I think about working up a sweat. It's like I'm a completely different person, now. But in a good way. It's not like I'm dating Exercise and she's constantly manipulating me into a different person like in the hilarious 'Makin' Changes' episode of 'Happy Endings'. Exercise is making me a healthier and more confident individual.

I get home from work and I'm so excited about Dynamic Core that I leave a full half-hour early so that I can get in some time on the elliptical as well. It's like a glorious homecoming when I arrive. People start clapping and throwing confetti. People hold out their new born children for me to kiss, and several women get a little misty. After an acceptable amount of mingling I head down to the cardio room and hop on an elliptical machine.

I only get about a minute and change into my workout when Rachel shows up and I have to put Ke$ha away so that I can actually be social with Rachel. Ten minutes later, we head up to the studio and wait to fight our way through the masses and claim our usual spot. Kiki recently went to a workshop and came back inspired to kick our butts (so I've heard) so I'm a little scared to see what's in store for us. 

As usual, Kiki does not disappoint and my craving to sweat is apparently a craving that I can fill. Past classes have involved the core in many of the exercises, but I haven't ever felt like my core is too used. Maybe I've been doing everything wrong, which is entirely possible, but tonight my core feels it all the way up to my sternum. And it will not stop. Sit-ups, push-ups, burpees, Pilates, we do everything. I could cry and I may in fact already be crying. I can't really tell because I'm sweating so much. I'm starting to think I should invest in some compression shorts.

I know I'm getting a great workout and I also am still finding myself surprised by the measurable changes happening to my body. I can now get my legs up over my head without throwing myself backwards, even though I still can't touch the floor behind my head. That will come in time. I can't get too far ahead of myself. Side planks are still awful, not only because they're difficult to do, but because I keep getting cramps in my hips. It's not fun to do anything with cramps (ladies...). I'm kind of starting to enjoy squats, believe it or not. And we do plenty of them, tonight. We also do them on our toes and by the end, my calves feel outrageously sore. Like criminally sore. 

The gym is wonderful, everyone. Get on board with it. I will literally go with anyone anytime I am free so if you're nervous for some inexplicable reason, I will help you conquer your fear. Also, take classes. Classes provide great structure and motivation so if you can't seem to keep yourself busy on your own, a class would be great for you. Also, if any gyms are looking to hire a spokesperson, please contact me. As evidenced by this blog, I would be great at it.

Balls...

I have convinced best friend Rachel to join me for Dynamic Core, this evening. And boy is she in for a treat. I offer to pick her up about twenty minutes before class and head over to her house. I call when I pull up and she graciously informs me that class is not in twenty minutes. It is, in fact, in just under an hour. Well then. I guess we have some time to waste. So I help her bake some bars for a friend's birthday.

Rachel has been slightly nervous for this class since I convinced her to go, so I spend some of our down time telling her how much fun it is and how she's going to have a really good time. Let's face it, one of my greatest strengths is making people feel comfortable in stressful situations, something I am making great use of, right now. I have to tell her that even though she is sore from Zumba (side note: I am not sore and do not get sore very often, anymore. I miss feeling like a really worked my muscles) she'll push through the pain because I will be doing the same thing and she's not allowed to be a bad friend.

When we get to the gym, a line has started forming outside the studio. We head towards the door and remove our shoes and then I prep Rachel on what's going to happen. 'People are going to be aggressive so as soon as people start leaving this class, we have to bolt in and claim the good spots. I'm not getting stuck right in front of the door again.' And it's true. People aggressively cut in line in order to get a good spot. And the seemingly demure little old ladies are the worst. If I were as small as Rachel I would probably risk getting backhanded in order to throw me off. Good thing I'm a fat person at the gym and no one messes with me.

We grab our equipment and wait for Kiki to kick our butts. And boy does she kick our butts. She starts with squats and we do a pretty good job keeping up. We then move to weight plates and this is where numerous people in the class suffer. Many people (myself and Rachel included) have to drop our plates and simply to the actions without any added weight because our shoulders and arms are killing us. Kiki's really giving it to us, tonight. And everytime she encourages us to keep it going is the exact moment that I have chosen to take a break, so I have the added pressure of not wanting to be a disappointment.

We move to abs, and I'm a little more able to keep up. here. I have to share my excitement with actually being able to do sit ups, because I haven't been able to do a true sit up in probably five years. There are still ab moves that are really difficult for me to do, but I'm pleased with my progress.

After abs, we move to balls. As in exercising with a ball as our equipment. I take a six-pound ball, thinking I'll be fine with that. I really should have gone for a two-pounder. We bounce it, kettle bell swing it, do oblique rotations with it. I honestly haven't felt this worked in a long time. And to end the class we do push ups with one hand on the ball. Correction: The rest of the class does push ups with one hand on the ball. I can only squeak out two before I collapse.

When we're officially done with the workout, I'm as happy as can be because it's over. But boy, am I going to feel this in the morning. Rachel is worried about her ability to care for patients, tomorrow. We hobble to the car and go back to Rachel's house where we make chili and process what we just went through. It hurts to sit, it hurts to stand, but it hurts in a way that reminds me I've just done something great for my body.