Twice...

Let me begin by saying I did not forget about you, nor did I fall off the wagon. Though, if I did fall off, my hope is that my family would press on because heaven's knows I'd end up getting diphtheria or typhoid fever and we wouldn't make it to Oregon. At any rate, the past several days have been incredibly busy and my blogging about my experiences took a back seat. But I'm back up and ready to go.

My not so triumphant return to Pilates was Thursday the 11th. Having not been to Pilates since January, I expected things to be completely miserable the entire time. I was surprised to find that it was only about half the time. We begin with planking and are shown a four minute routine that is really easy to do at home. Honestly, it's only four minutes long and I think I can convince myself to suffer through four minutes a day. Maybe I'll actually do it. It's fun to see some people I haven't seen in a while, almost like a Pilates homecoming. 

The joy stops there. I'm instantly thrown back into the hectic Pilates workout and this particular workout features many moves that are incredibly difficult. And many of these moves feature the dreaded Pilates ring. That resistance ring that is placed either between your thighs or your ankles and makes the world seem like an awful place. The tragedy of the whole situation is that a lot of the moves we do with the ring are the same move we normally do. The ring simply makes them more difficult (which is the point, I guess). That doesn't make it any easier.

After Pilates class on Thursday, I have Saturday Pilates to look forward to. Ashley, a friend of mine I met while in college (she designed costumes for two shows that I was in) will be joining me and I am really excited. I have also decided that I will be attending the spin class at 7:30 on Saturday. Surprisingly, when my alarm goes off at 6:45, I'm ready to go and enthusiastically get my stuff together. I have mildly forced Fit Andrew to come with me to spin class I'm excited to have someone to suffer through class with me. Friends make it easier.

Spin is tough, but good. It's a class that I definitely enjoy more each time I go. Andrew isn't all to jazzed about it, but what can I do about that? I have to run him home before Pilates class starts (because carpooling seemed to be a great idea). I get the start time of Pilates wrong and end up having to waste some time doing nothing but playing games on my iPhone for twenty minutes.

Ashley arrives and I, being the wonderful person that I am, make her sit in the very front row. She's a trooper during the entire class (which somehow seems more difficult than Thursday's). More than once we laugh about the things we have to do, which I choose to take as a sign that she's enjoying herself. There are also two other gentlemen taking the class and it's a nice change of pace to not be the only male in class.

After class (which Ashley totally did enjoy) I head home because I have plans to go into Boston and see Jurassic Park in 3D. Which is amazing. I spend the rest of the day feeling really awesome because I not only spent some time with friends seeing an awesome movie, but I went to two classes in one day. I am a machine.

Shame...

Shame is a funny thing. Often times the things people feel shameful about are the things that make them relatable and human. Many of you may think of me as some sort of workout-god given my outrageous fitness prowess and so the following confession may shock you. I fell off the horse. The horse in this metaphor represents exercise; I didn't actually fall off a horse. That would really hurt.

After the joy of my physical I did not go to the gym all week. That is my shameful confession. It wasn't that I thought I didn't need to go, I know I should have, but I was too easily swayed by my laziness and the promise of social gatherings. I've said it before and I'll say it again: exercise needs to be a priority. This means I need to make difficult decisions like not going out to eat a pasta and bread filled dinner and instead force myself to use that stupid elliptical and blast my arms and legs with weight machines.

The tragedy of all tragedies (not to belittle actual tragedies) is that I had planned on going to the gym every night I wasn't working, which would have been four nights. I missed out on four nights of the gym because I convinced myself that it was okay if I skipped because I had this huge accomplishment under my shrinking belt.

I think part of my problem is that my mind is convinced I've already succeeded and that things can therefore go back to how they were. I somehow have to convince my brain that while I have had success, I am not yet finished. I have a long ways to go. 26 pounds, while great, does not bring me into a healthy weight bracket. Stupid brain, stop making me feel things I don't need to feel!

So this is my oath, in front of all of the internet: I will go to Spin class and swim on Friday night and spin class and Pilates on Saturday morning. I will then swim and do weights on Sunday. This is my workout plan and I will stick with it. Even if I am too warm in my house and in my bed and a really great episode of Downton Abbey is waiting on my DVR. It will still be there when I get back.

Tell me your weekend workout plans and I will be with you in misery, though you may be far away. I maybe you'll enjoy yourself and I'll be the only one in misery. Either way we'll be exercising and that will be amazing. 

Four...

Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, four months ago I began this journey of bettering (not buttering) myself by becoming more healthy and I can say, with much pride, that four months ago I was 26 lbs heavier. That is an average of one and a quarter pounds a week. That was also over two holidays where one of the main purposes is to consume ridiculous amounts of food.

Do I wish it was more? Yes. Am I discouraged? Get off the internet if you think I'm discouraged. This is awesome. I set a goal and for four months I have been working towards it and this proves that I am successful. So take that, stupid people who scoff when I tell them I go to the gym. When was the last time you lost 26 pounds? 

This is the more slender face of someone who is pretty darn pleased with themselves

And I've worked hard for it. Just ask Best Friend Rachel who endured Dynamic Core with me on Tuesday. During class we do a total of probably around 200 lunges in various directions and probably a good 75 squats. The next day, it's painful to sit down on a couch so I can be lazy. Like really painful. But I've come to enjoy the soreness that comes from workouts. It means changes are happening. 

Thankfully, I recover by Thursday, or at least recover enough to do Pilates. The only problem is that I'm feeling a little gassy. Good thing I'm a trained actor so I can pretend that I'm taking breaks because I'm sore instead of taking breaks to avoid breaking wind. I do it for you, ladies of Pilates, because I'm such a nice guy.

With the break after the Christmas season at Target, I've had much more time to kick it in to high gear once again, so expect big changes in the coming months. Also, I vow to do better with the whole photo progress portion and seeing as I've decided to stop making empty promises, you know it's really going to happen.

Tradition...

I don't believe in resolutions. Or at least I don't believe in only making them at the start of a new year. I mean look at me. I started in September with my resolution to do better, more healthy things for myself and I've done fine. So well, in fact, that when I bought new pants, every pair of pants I brought in to the fitting room were able to be buttoned with ease. In all my years that has never happened. Inevitably at least one pair has been too small. But no longer, my friends.

Seeing as it's been a million years (maybe not exaggerating should be my resolution for the new year) since I posted last, I have quite a bit to update you on. I was sick over Christmas. Yes sick, ladies and gentlemen. It is awful. But the healing power of the gym is what carried me through. I go the day after Christmas and do a full 20 minutes on the elliptical. It's difficult to breathe because of my cough and I still have a trace of the shakes from my fever, but Best-Friend Rachel and Sister Miriam (she's not a nun, she's my actual sister) are a wonderful encouragement and I plug through.

After my workout, I decide a nice time in the steam room is necessary. If you are sick, you should try it. It feels great to breathe deeply and really helps with congestion. After my whole gym thing, I feel great. My body is doing it's thing and fighting infection. Amazing how that works.

The following day, I take Miriam back for Pilates with Kiki. She is such a trooper and tries everything despite not really knowing what's going on. And despite a lower back issue, which isn't always advisable. Forty-five minutes later I'm really sweaty and Miriam is complaining of sore abs. Oh honey, wait until tomorrow. 

During Miriam's visit, she was able to meet some of the recurring characters of my blog, and that was a ton of fun for me. I love to brag about my sister and introduce her to people. I also love being able to show her how adored I am at the gym. People love me. 

Back to the whole New Year's thing, I made sure that one of the first things I did in 2013 was a sit-up. That's right, I started the year off with exercise. The whole purpose of that is to serve as my reminder of what my life is now. My life is comprised of me making good choices with health and nutrition and exercise. I've had a good time so far, and it can only get better from here.

(Cheesy inspirational music fades in) If I have inspired you, I want to know about it. If you too have started exercising and feel like you are out of your element, let me know. I can be a great encourager because I know what's it's like to be at that end of things. And I know how exciting it is when things start changing for you. And I want another $5 off my membership fees! Leave me a comment, or contact me through email, whatever works. Actually, I don't know if you can contact me through email. I'll look in to getting that on here. But comments definitely work.

Intensity...

I'm sick of missing Pilates so when an opportunity popped up to swap shifts at Target, I opted to ditch my Thursday night shift in favor of a Friday night shift. I just sit at home and make awful decisions on Friday night anyways, so why not make a conscious decision to better myself? That seems smart.

So Thursday finally hits and I'm feeling really tired. This is what happens to me now that I work until 12:30am, fall asleep around 2:00am and have to be up at 6:45am (which inevitably ends up being more like 7:20). The problem is I really am enjoying working at Target and the extra money is incredibly helpful. The season is over soon, and hopefully they'll keep me on after the technical "Seasonal Employment" time is over, but with adjusted hours so I can resume going to the gym more regularly.

Anyway, so I am heading home from work, dangerously low on gas and I can't stop because I've left my wallet at home. The last thing I need is to run out of gas and not be able to go to Pilates. I make it home and grab my wallet and workout gear and drive to the gas station where I put 16.004 gallons in my 16-gallon tank. My father would be so ashamed that I let it get that low. And thank goodness my dad knows about cars because he has saved me many a time. Not that I don't know that running out of gas is bad for the car, but you get the idea.

Since I was so motivated to get gas, I have plenty time to hop on the elliptical before class starts. I go for just over 5 minutes, really pushing myself and getting a full quarter mile in that time. Exciting side note: I often used to have to slow down because my heart rate would get to high, but today I push the whole time and never get into a heart rate 'danger zone', and that is super encouraging after being lazy for about a week.

After my elliptical warm-up, I head upstairs and meet Lisa, who I have convinced to join me for Pilates, today. I have been wicked encouraging, telling her she'll have fun and Kiki is great, and to only worry about doing what she thinks she can do. Nadine, you are free of your title as I have now become 'Sam the Liar'. Kiki went to some workshop and came back with incredible motivation to basically make our lives miserable. Poor Lisa thought she was going to have a slow paced Pilates introduction, but no such luck.

Kiki races from one exercise to the next, and I'm not only sweating from using my muscles but from moving so fast. It's bordering on cardio. Every move and pose and exercise hurts (in the good 'you're really doing something' way) and I can't wait for class to be over. Every so often I glance at Lisa, who is graciously smiling through the whole thing even though I'm pretty sure she'll never speak to me again.

At the conclusion of the class, everyone is wiped out, but it feels amazing. It was exactly what I needed to de-stress and relax (ironic, huh?). I say hi to Kiki on my way out and pop in and say hi to Ryann, as well. I also confess my awful diet from the past few weeks because I'm feeling honest. Gotta get right back up on that horse. So I ask her to help set me up with her food tracking app. That way she can yell at me for eating awful things.

After the gym, I head to the hospital to visit, get this, MY NEPHEW! My sister had a baby on December 18th and he is, without a doubt, adorable.

No contest

His name is Chester and he is my favorite baby ever.

Return...

Looks like being caught up with the blog was a very temporary thing. But worry not, after a six day hiatus, I'm back to tell you more about my experiences being a fat person at the gym. And for the record, today is Saturday.

It has been three days since I've been to the gym and it is almost four, but the idea of leaving poor Best Friend Rachel alone during Pilates is too much for me. I have a wicked bad cold and to tell you the truth, I'm worried I may have trouble breathing and I do not want to die while I'm sweaty and in unflattering workout clothes. I'd much rather go in a full tuxedo reclining in an arm chair while people place gifts at my feet.

I get to the gym in just enough time, trying desperately not to talk more than I have to because I sound like an 80-year-old woman who has been smoking since she turned seven. I didn't see Kiki for Thursday Pilates (because I was working at Target) so we say brief hellos before the workout begins. We begin with the breathing and light bridging. This seems doable. But from here on out is where I start to struggle. Not so much with the ability to breathe thing, but more so with my muscles. I feel weaker. Now, I'm choosing to blame it on the fact that I'm sick and so my body is weaker than usual. Hopefully its not because I've digressed in my physical conditioning.

I'm happy to notice that Rachel is also struggling (I'm awful, I know). But she excels in a way I do not. She is really good at continuing despite something being difficult. I tend to give up a little sooner than needed. And I've now find my challenge for the week: go until I can literally go no more, and then go for another 3 reps or 2 minutes or whatever. Just keep going.

Rachel is also a continuous source of encouragement throughout the entire workout. She's constantly saying things like 'I'm so impressed with you' or 'you're amazing' and that gives me the extra push that I need to keep trying. By the end of the workout, I feel better than when I started, which seems contrary to what I would have expected. Apparently exercise is helping my sick body, but I don't feel confident in that enough to tell any of you that when you're sick you should workout. I'll leave that to the medical professionals. 

After Pilates, I go for a meeting with Ryann to see what she, as a nutritionist, can recommend for me. She asks what my goal is and I tell her I don't want to feel like a lazy slob. She also asks what I have been doing and I tell her I've been doing my best to eat healthier, including more fresh fruits and vegetables in my diet and watching my caloric intake, but that I could do better. I tend to make bad decisions when I'm sitting at home because in the past, food was something I ate when I was bored.

She gives me a list of foods that should comprise my diet, and I'm pleased to see normal foods on it. To tell you the truth, I had been nervous that she would require me to eat a lot of bizarre foods that are hard to find and are really expensive, but thankfully Ryann is awesome and I won't have to swap too many foods. I will have to be more strict about my calorie counting. In the past when I've tried, I've used an app that keeps track, but I always forget to log dinner and therefore make awful decisions for dinner. It's especially difficult when dinner is a meal out. Hopefully I'll learn better ways to watch my calorie intake when I dine out.

Laundry...

So I'm on Facebook at work (because I'm now in charge of social media) and I happen to see that there's a beginner mat class that's not on the schedule. Curiosity gets the better of me so I email Kiki to ask her if this is a class at the gym or if it's actually in her studio. Her answer is two-fold and demonstrates how amazing she is. It is a studio class and she has signed me up for it. So I now have a specific plan when I go to the gym.

Now, because I have been in classes the last few days, I have no clean gym clothes and the class tonight starts right at five so I don't have time to get home and do laundry. So I do my best begging and call up Fit Andrew to try and convince him to throw my darks in the wash. Sometimes I feel like I'm awful. But out of the kindness of his heart, he decides to help me out. Bless you, Fit Andrew.

I get to the gym with just enough time to spare to get changed and run upstairs. There are only two other people in the class plus the teacher. I have to say it's kind of amazing to be in such a small class. It really gets me individual attention and in a class that's intended to help me understand the basics of Pilates and work on proper form, that's a huge blessing. And a curse, because now I'm painfully aware of how I've been doing certain things wrong and I can't hide behind 15 other attendees.

But Stephanie is super nice and thankfully not as snarky as I am. She was very helpful and an hour long Pilates workout went by really fast. I did feel stupid when I had to keep asking which muscle groups I should be using or even what certain words meant in the context of Pilates (like implant yourself, for example). It's honestly like learning a new language only it's a lot easier to fake like you know what you're talking about while you could be agreeing to something that you will regret.

After class is over, I stop in to say hi to the nutritionist who has an office at the gym. Kiki recommended I say hi and Ryann proves to be full of energy and really friendly. Honestly, everyone who works at this gym is amazing. We chat a little bit about a variety of things (including my blog) and she tells me I should consider coming to her spin class tomorrow morning. I tell her I will strongly consider it because I have an appointment at 10 am and can't go to the normal Pilates class. Except that her class starts at 7:30. Kill me. But I tell her I'll consider it.

All in all it was a super relaxing class to fulfill my Friday night workout and to make my current gym record 16 days in a row. Thank you, thank you, I know I'm amazing, but you can be too. Just head to the gym.

Rewards...

Two posts in one day? I know it's crazy, but I need to catch up and I have nothing to do on a Saturday afternoon. But remember, we're magically being transported back to Thursday, because that's how this blog works. Magically.

I've come to look forward to Thursdays so much because it means Pilates day at the gym. I'm anxious to see who will be in class and I'm excited to work my butt off. Actually, I want to whip my butt into shape and actually get one, but you know what I mean so stop it. I arrive and who should be there but Nadine the Liar. I'm so happy she's back. Classes are made by the energetic people who attend and I can always count on Nadine to be full of energy and happiness (its possible to know that after meeting someone once, trust me). I come to find out she's read the blog and learned of her nickname. I have to reassure her that it's a term of endearment. We decide to be neighbors during Pilates as long as she promises not to laugh when I decide I've done enough of a particular exercise.

Let me say this: it's become quite common for people to approach me at the gym and say how much they enjoy reading my blog and I would love for this to keep happening. Please don't be scared away by my celebrity or feel unworthy to approach me. You may indeed be unworthy but you will never hear about it from me.

Kiki comes in, also full of energy and greets the class. I guess some people haven't been in a while so she gives a few specific hellos before we begin. She also talks about tequila, and gives some great tips of kinds to try. I may have to do that, later. Today is a class where we focus on performing each exercise correctly and so while it's not a particularly fast paced class, it still give me quite a workout.

I tend to get cramped up on certain exercises so I try to really focus on relaxing those particular parts of my body. I especially get cramped in the arch of my foot when I point. It kills.I would venture to say it's worth than a charlie horse because I know that pointing my toe is going to cause a cramp and yet I do it anyway. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Or something? I swear I've heard that before.

When it comes time to plank and do push-ups, I know class is almost over. That's almost always how we end things. I usually automatically start with my knees down because I'm convinced I can't do any better. But this time, I decide to challenge myself and try a full on plank. Miraculously, I complete the whole plank and lower down into push-ups. This I do need to lower my knees for, but where I used to struggle to do one, I can now do three or four before I really start to struggle. I know, I incredible. Feel free to say so in the comment section.

After class, I talk to Kiki about how awesome class was and she tells me that she's so glad that I keep coming. To know that I started off thinking Pilates was awful to it being one of my favorite times of the week proves that it's awesome. And if you don't think so, I challenge you to take three Pilates classes and tell me you don't enjoy it by the third class. If you happen to be on the North Shore or anywhere near the Beverly Athletic Club, check out the Facebook page for Kiki Pilates here. You will not regret it.

Circle...

It's Saturday Pilates day. Kiki isn't here this morning so Diane is stepping in. Diane was the first Pilates teacher I ever had so I'm excited to see how much I've progressed since she first saw me. It quickly becomes apparent that this isn't going to be easy to compare because before class begins she has everyone grab a Pilates circle. Basically its a circle that is designed to simulate the position a woman is in when she is in labor. Now I know I've compared Pilates to birthing before, but today the similarities are even more severe.

The circle goes in between my knees and the whole purpose is resistance to squeeze against. Basically it's like using a Thigh Master while on your back with your legs in tabletop position. It feels like a really compromising position to be in and I am super uncomfortable. Like super wicked uncomfortable. And I am gassy today, so I feel the need to apologize to all the ladies in the class.

We do several different exercise with this demon circle including some side leg raises and corkscrews (you probably don't know what those look like, but just imagine awkward things with a sixteen-inch hula hoop in between your legs or around your ankles). Diane makes class difficult. Good for you Diane, still making me work really hard.

Though I will say, I'm getting really good at some stuff. My core is definitely stronger and I have a lot more stamina than I did on that very first day of Pilates. Thank goodness one of the things I'm supposed to be doing throughout the workout is engaging muscles like I'm about to pass gas but I don't want to. Honestly, that is verbatim what Kiki tells us almost every time.

After class I don't swim because I swam yesterday evening and I'm tired. I had home and have a healthy breakfast of scrambled eggs and wheat toast while I wait for the arrival of my dear friend Shawn, with whom I will be spending the rest of my day. Also, cool news: Today marks 10 days in a row at the Beverly Athletic Club. A new record, according to FourSquare. Bam.

Compliments...

Thursday is one of my favorite days of the week because it's a Pilates day. But I can't find my yoga mat and paranoia is reawakened deep down inside. I'm convinced someone is trying to sabotage any sort of progress I'm making by causing me to forget to do laundry and to misplace critical pieces of exercise equipment. Although does a mat count as a piece of equipment? I must admit I always though of equipment as a way to describe something that has a mechanical component. Enough engineering talk. Back to to exercise.

I speed home after work in order to put my workout stuff together. I hate feeling rushed but what do I expect when I wasted my morning sleeping instead of prepping for the day? I make it with time to spare so I get primo selection of spots. Front and center because I rock at everything. I do a little bit of stretching to warm up. If I had really wanted to warm up, I would have spent fifteen minutes on the elliptical before class, but who has time for that?

Side note: flexibility is really something I want to maintain and increase. I have to express frustration that I haven't noticed a giant change in my flexibility since I started doing yoga and Pilates. Flexibility is something that seems to be a key component of Pilates. If I can't reach my ankle when I have one foot in the air, how can I correctly do the drill? 

Regardless, Kiki comes in and welcomes the class and then, because she is so awesome, announces to the entire class that they should check out my blog. She has linked it on the page of her Pilates studio. I feel like a celebrity. Hopefully everyone else feels the same way.

Throughout class, my blog occasionally makes an appearance. True, most of the time it's because Kiki's telling me what I'm not allowed to put in the blog, but it really does make me feel awesome. She tells me I'm not allowed to include how she encourages us to adjust ourselves to spread our butt cheeks wider so we can feel more connected to the floor. Don't worry, Kiki, I won't put that in.

After class I head to Best Friend Rachel's house and we watch The Princess Bride and eat popcorn and peaches. Then I go to Buffalo Wild Wings to celebrate a friend's birthday. Now, I know I have mentioned before that I love getting compliments, and tonight I get a bunch. Everyone is telling me I look great and that my butt looks awesome and it's like all is as it should be. I should be getting compliments. 

Everyone should be getting compliments because it makes you feel awesome. So you, reading this, you are awesome. And I don't care where you are in your day, if you just woke up or if you just exercised, but you look amazing. There. Take my compliment and go into the world feeling awesome about yourself. And compliment someone else and make their day. Pay it forward.

Bam...

My alarm goes off this morning (this is really for Saturday. I'm living in the past) and I am ready to greet the world with a smack of the snooze button. Ain't nobody gonna tell me to wake up before I want to. Nine minutes later, I roll out of bed and prep for Pilates. I arrive to the gym a little earlier than expected. Maybe I could have hit snooze one more time.

No sign of Nadine the Liar. I'm kind of bummed about that. I was looking forward to mildly mocking her. She seems fun. I am pleasantly surprised, however, to find that Grant and his friend Catherine are joining myself and Megan for Pilates today! Acting like I know it all, I try to brief them on the type of mat they'll want to use and how awesome Kiki is and how hard Pilates is. Leave it to me to act like an expert in something that I am in no way, shape, or form an expert in. To really keep up my appearance of being an expert, I plant myself in the front row.

Kiki is as cheerful as ever; a quality I have come to expect from anyone who leads a class at the gym. And seeing as I'm in a butt-kicking mood, I do well. Plus I'm trying to show off how awesome I am to Grant and Catherine. My flexibility still isn't where I want it to be, but it's definitely getting there.

I have to say, being in a group exercise class reminds me a lot of elementary school gym class. Filing in, sitting in our rows, going through exercises (including the butterfly and what Ms. Hoiser called 'jaws'). Just a bunch of people doing whatever the teacher says.

We end the class with a side plank aka the bane of my existence. This thing is so hard for me to do. I don't really have the arm strength and I definitely don't have the core strength to remain suspended in the air. It's a good thing this is not 1692 because these moves would surely get someone to be accused of being a witch. They seemingly defy the laws of physics. 

Post class, while Grant and Catherine and I are debriefing from class, Kiki approaches and tells us she loved having us in class and she tells me she always loves it when I come. Praise be to Jehovah. I am liked by a teacher. My dreams are coming true left and right. I'm gaining some celebrity with my blog and I'm liked by my Pilates teacher. As a person who craves validation, this is awesome.

Partly because I'm feeling super jazzed and partly because I know I should, I go downstairs to do ten minutes on the elliptical machine. Guys, my day cannot be awful. About five minutes in, I realize that I don't notice the burn as much as when I started. I'm gaining endurance! 

True, I'm sweaty, but it's a sexy-sweaty

So, all things considered, it was an awesome workout day. You too can feel awesome all the time like me. Just get off your lazy butt and join a gym. And tell that gym about my blog. And tell your friends about my blog. And tell strangers on the street about my blog.

Bravery...

Today is a Pilates day and I have convinced Cousin Joe (we're not really cousins, but we used to tell everyone in college that we were and everyone believed us) to come to Pilates with me. So I get home from work and put together my workout stuff really quickly and we leave for the gym, because he has to sign up for a visitor's pass. When we get to the gym, Carla is there as cheerful as ever and she helps Joe sign up for a visitor's pass.

While he's doing that, Justin takes advantage of my vulnerability and chastises me for skipping CX Works to go to Texas Roadhouse on Wednesday night. And his reprimand really holds some weight because he has been so kind and encouraging and helpful. I really feel like I've let him down. So I burst into tears and he laughs at me. What a jerk.

Joe's finally got his pass and we go downstairs to the locker room and change. Joe puts on a Planet Fitness shirt and I come to find out that he has just joined Planet Fitness and will not be joining the Beverly Athletic Club. I would never have invited him had I known. Now I'm going to be embarrassed to be seen with him. I decide to deal with it and I show him all that he is missing out on by being a Planet Fitness member.

We then head up to the studio. Apparently, there is no class before Pilates as the room is dark and empty so we head right in to claim some spots. A very kind woman (I find out later that her name is Nadine or 'Nadine the Liar' which I'll explain later) encourages us to sit up front. I tell her that the front is so intimidating but she says that if we're up front, Kiki will use us more and help correct our positions. I ask if Kiki is for sure going to be there today and she ensures me that Kiki will be.

And that is my problem. I trust people. In fact, I am too trusting. Because Kiki is not there, today. It's Beth. It could be worse because I actually do like Beth. She's really funny and she does a really good job explaining what I should be feeling while I do a particular exercise. But I make Nadine feel awful because she also told Joe he would get a free BAC shirt because Kiki hates it when people where Planet Fitness shirts. No luck, Cousin Joe.

We start the workout and practically the entire time, Joe is whispering snarky comments to me that make me laugh. 'I want a danish', 'I'm not going to do that', 'we are getting burritos after this'. Joe, zip it! I can't work my abs right when I'm practically peeing myself from laughter. And to make matters worse, one of the women in the class lets one rip and I'm torn between bursting out laughing and running over to her and hugging her to say thank you for being brave enough to not hold it in. I admire this woman.

At the end of class the rest of the room claps for themselves. And I still don't. I introduce Joe to Megan (my coworker) and we talk a little bit about the class. Some things are still hard for me. I don't have the flexibility to extend my leg to the ceiling without bending at the knee. Beth tells me it will come, as she passes by and heads into the actual Pilates studio. 

We do decide we want burritos, so we head to Chipotle for dinner to reward ourselves for our good workout. Well, Joe wasn't really great at Pilates so he probably was just eating to make himself feel better, but that's what happens when you join Planet Fitness.

Late...

So my alarm goes off at 8:00, but I'm still tired so I reset it for fifteen minutes later and go back to bed. Then I wake up at 8:45 and realize I set my weekday alarm instead of my weekend alarm. I have a quick shower and get dressed and race to the gym. Thank goodness Pilates always starts late. I look like a mess and I haven't even started my workout.

As I wait, I'm watching the end of CX Works, the class I went to on Wednesday. I am NOT jealous of the people currently suffering through this class. It's a tough workout. And, in possibly the most bizarre workout tradition, people clap for themselves at the end of it. I pride myself on the fact that I have never clapped for myself after finishing a workout and I don't plan on starting any time soon.

I head in to the studio, select my spot, and do some pre-stretching. Taylor says hi to me, and I enthusiastically respond with my own salutations. But that pleasant exchange is shor lived because some lady sets up her mat insanely close to mine. Honestly woman, I have long arms and sometimes we have to fully extend them out sideways. Back off. It's not like the studio is particularly crowded, today. 

To counteract this negative, I finally am not the only man in class. Two other guys who were both in CX Works (how on earth do you do two classes in a row?) have been convinced by Kiki to stay for Pilates. This does little beyond making me feel less self conscious, but since that's the main thing I struggle with, I welcome their presence.

It's a fairly standard Pilates workout, but a large portion of it features moves where my legs are supposed go up over my head, which is not something I can do at this present moment in time. When these moments happen, I try my best to get my legs that high, but the best I can do is almost vertical, which is tragically pathetic. 

My ability to do this has disintegrated

This used to be something I could do as a kid, and it's mildly depressing that I've lost that ability. I also used to be able to fit into a laundry basket and slide down the stairs. Tragically that is no longer a skill I possess either. Oh well. Life goes on. On the plus side, I have noticed that I can do significantly more reps of certain exercises and that I'm even able to successfully do things I wasn't able to do before. All after only five total times at Pilates.

I know I need to focus on these victories otherwise it will be easier to be discouraged and stop going. And I have to say, another big plus aside from the physical changes and overall physical wellness, I'm happier than I have been in a long time. Consistently so. Just ask Fit Andrew.

To top it all off, at the end of the class, Kiki tells me I did a good job. And validation is all I long for in this world, so that feels great. I wave to Justin on my way out of the gym, but Skinny Matt is nowhere to be seen. Hopefully he can survive without a greeting from me. But I like to think all of the employees at the gym feel extra great when I greet them. That's why I keep going. To brighten other people's days. 

Twice...

My plan is to go to Pilates after work so I pack up all my workout gear and head to work. Pilates doesn't start until 5:30, but I prefer to be prepared in case something comes up. But, I get all the way to work and realize that I have left my mat at home. Not the end of the world because they have mats at the gym, but still, totally not ideal.

I've also made plans to workout with another friend after Pilates around 8 o'clock. So in theory, I'll be going to the gym twice in one day. IN. ONE. DAY. Yeah, crazy I know, but apparently I can't get enough. The gym is like drugs. The only thing I've been this obsessed about is cookie dough, and heavens knows that was not a healthy habit. I'm addicted to fitness.

Work ends and I drive home. And I get home around 4:50. That leaves me forty minutes until Pilates starts. Holy crap I think I planned ahead too much. I have to now waste time at home before I go. So, I check my email, read Yahoo news, amuse myself with reddit and squeeze in (or out) a last minute poop. Then I grab my mat and head to Pilates.

I meet Megan at the gym but I have to run downstairs and change and when I come back up, everyone is already in the room with spots chosen so I have to plant myself in the worst possible location: smack dab in front of the door. Thank goodness everyone walking past is going to be able to look in and see my chubby self sweating and struggling through this class.

It's another new teacher, today. But Beth is great because she's kind of self deprecating and brings great humor to the class. She also starts off by giving everyone permission to rest when they need to, which makes me feel reassured. I'm still embarrassed to drop a pose simply because my muscles aren't strong enough, but I shouldn't expect to be really great at Pilates after only four classes.

After class, I change and on my way out I run into Justin. We chat for a few minutes and he chastises me for using the calf machine because I'm working out one of the smallest muscles in my body. My response is that I have no idea what I'm doing. And then he drops a pearl of wisdom. "There are two types of people that need personal trainers: those with the motivation who have no idea what to do, and those who know what to do but have no motivation." So if you are one of those types of people, join a gym and get a personal trainer.

I say goodbye to Carla and tell her that I might be back later tonight. At home I relax on the couch and watch TV, deciding I will not be going back to the gym. But my last episode of Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23 ends right at 8:00 and so I force myself to return to the gym and hit the pool.

I'm bound and determined to swim at least half a mile, tonight. I check the info board on my way in to see how many lengths of the pool I have to do. 1 mile is 82 lengths of the pool, so that means I have to do 41 lengths to reach my goal of half a mile. I do 12 lengths of freestyle, 10 using the kick board, 10 of backstroke, 6 more of freestyle, 2 more with the kickboard, and finally 2 more of backstroke. Essentially I feel like jelly when I'm done.

Yes, yes I am.

I chill in the steam room for a good 6 minutes (progress!) where I meet a very interesting individual who used to be a body-builder, but an injury forced him to stop training and he's just started coming back to the gym. I prefer silence when I'm in the presence of strangers in a steam room, but if you feel the need to talk, more power to you.

Redemption...

I wake up for Pilates and immediately want to go right back to bed. I hate Pilates, I hate waking up, and I hate everyone. That's a lot of hate for one morning. Begrudgingly I roll out of bed and stumble down the hall to my shower. Why doesn't showering burn a million calories? And why doesn't sleeping, for that matter?

I head out the door with my yoga mat in it's new straps and get to the gym. I wave at Skinny Matt and head down to change and then back up to the studio. I am put through the torture of watching the end of CXWorks, which is a class that Justin suggested I go to. I absolutely do not want to do that, after watching the end of this class.

I enter the studio and pick a spot against the wall. Great, another new instructor. Hopefully I don't hate this one. But Megan assures me that Kiki is awesome. So I stretch out and prepare for the worst. We start in a seated position and do a whole series of roll down, sit up types of move and I am encouraged to discover that I can actually perform a sit up without assistance. But that encouragement is short lived, because eventually I have to lift my legs and attempt to do things that I know I will not be able to do. Like swoop my legs around in a circle. Nope, not going to happen.

But, refreshingly, Kiki is great at motivation and provides modifications without me having to ask her. The other thing, and it's really small but makes a huge difference, is she starts with the lowest difficulty and provides ways to make it more difficult if you feel strong enough. So I don't feel like some weak person who has to downgrade my moves. I feel like a person who has a goal that I may be able to get to, someday.

At one point, we're sitting with our legs outstretched and we're supposed to be sitting straight and tall. She comes around to make sure people are in good form and comes over to me. I'm prepared to receive a compliment, but all she does is say "More straight" and puts her hand on my back to show me where I should be lengthening my spine. Suddenly, it becomes difficult to sit up. As in, hard to sit... on the ground... not lifting weights. I'm literally working muscles BY SITTING.

At the end of class, I'm not nearly as sweaty as I usually am, but I definitely feel like I worked my muscles more than I ever have in Pilates. Take note, Pilates teachers: if you are a more interactive teacher, I get more out of your workouts. Don't make me give you a bad grade.

Food...

So my family is here for an early birthday weekend and what happens? We spend most of our time eating. Yes, I go to Pilates on Saturday, but, as evidenced by my last blog post, it was awful. And I'm not even eating well. Family visits always seem to be meals punctuated with intervals of inactivity.

We do spend part of our time walking around Bearskin Neck in Rockport, but it's a very leisurely pace and isn't really exertion of any kind. And I don't get recognized on the street, so there's another huge disappointment. But, we do take some hilarious photos with a cutout of my little sister because she couldn't come along on the trip, so that's good for several laughs.

Here we are at Target!

After walking around for a while, it's time to take my parents back to the airport. On our way, we stop at Taco Bell for some food, where I stuff my face with deliciousness. I'll be paying for this later, so I don't really feel bad. But then we have to say goodbye, which no one ever likes, but it always seems to hit my mom pretty hard. Both mom and dad tell me how proud they are of me and what I'm doing and it makes me excited to keep going with this whole gym thing. I love getting attention and this is a great way to do it because it actually helps me be more healthy.

After we drop them off, sister, brother-in-law and I drive down to IKEA for a furniture shopping excursion. Now this is a workout. IKEA is huge and all you are supposed to do is walk around. Plus I exercise my ability to want something I can't presently afford and I'm sure I burn some calories feeling sorry for myself. But I do come away with two feather pillows and a meal of swedish meat balls, so it's not a complete loss. 

Burn...

I have to admit, I'm really enjoying this whole 'working out' thing. I am constantly and consistently forcing my coworkers to adhere to our Office Wellness program, and I get excited when I get to take 30 seconds to do planking. Today is no different, though Megan and I decide we'll be bold and plank for a full minute. Unfortunately, 45 seconds in to our planking, a customer stops in and ruins everything. So we do a 45 second plank and then a 30 second plank.

When I get home from work, Fit Andrew and I finish Resident Evil and then I start my yoga for the day. The yoga mat really does help. It gives me traction when I enter some of the more difficult poses. The planking at work is having an effect on my home yoga sessions because I can do the full 9 count plank without lowering to my knees like I used to have to do.

After the completion of my regular 20 minute workout, I decide to be a little adventurous and try the 12 minute 'Red Hot Core' workout. It's only an extra 12 minutes and I'm feeling super fit, so I tell myself this will be fine. Not the case. It's like Pilates day all over again. These exercises are ridiculous and make me realize that I do not have a whole lot of core strength.

One of the workouts I'm supposed to do is to lay on my back and alternate leg extensions. It is at this exact moment that I fully understand what it means to "work muscles I didn't even know I had". I feel the burn right under my sternum and it is quite the burn.

I'm even sweatier than usual after finishing the extra workout, but I still feel really awesome. I shower and after reflecting for 2 minutes on how much it sucks to shower and still be sweating when you're done, I clean for the rest of the night.

Forty...

Today I take part in my first ever group exercise class: Pilates. After showering and working up the nerve to drive to the gym, I stand outside the studio and shake because I am so nervous. People are going to see me trying to do the exact same thing as them and the class won't be able to happen because everyone will be laughing at my feeble attempts to raise my feet over my head.

My thoughts are intensely more cynical because I am watching the end of another group exercise class in which people are doing some crazy muscular workouts. I want to cry because I feel so bad for these people and I know I'm going to be in that same position in a matter of moments. I am slightly encouraged because my coworker who has experience in pilates is here and tells me that they tend to have the lights off during the class. Praise be to Jehovah.

The class before mine finally ends, almost 10 minutes of pure torture late. I walk in to the studio, grab a mat (Ew. It's used. Who knows if this has ever been cleaned) and hide in the back of the room. Most of the other people in the class have brought their own mats and I see that all of them are stretching before the class begins. A pre-workout workout, I guess. So I cave to the pressures of the rest of the students and stretch out my sore muscles.

The instructor fiddles with her iPod and shuts off the fans before she finally begins the class. She's playing the most god-awful elevator music versions of top 40 hits from probably 5 years ago. She gives a brief introduction and we start. 3 minutes later, I want to quit, and all I've been doing is sitting upright on a mat and pointing my toes. And this is supposed to be a 45 minute class. Ever since I joined this gym, I have had more near death experiences than I care to think about, and today, it looks like, will be no different.

I kind of always assumed Pilates was more of a workout for women, and the composition of the class would suggest the same. I am the only male in the room, and a majority of the women, save for 3, are over the age of forty. And apparently all of them are in much better shape than I am. This is one of the HARDEST workouts I've ever had to do. So much of it focuses on core strength. The instructor asks us to lay on our backs, swing our feet up over our heads, and bring our legs down in wide circles. No. No lady instructor, I will not be doing that. I will try, but I know I will fail.

Stop that. Stop it right now.

This woman is doing things that, in my opinion, defy both the laws of physics and of biology. I had no idea a body could do things like that, and I watched women's gymnastics during the Olympics. It's incredibly impressive, but I'm only halfway through and my muscles start to ache. I just keep pushing, taking breaks when I need them.

We end the class in 'first position,' and I can only assume that means the Pilates version of ballet first position, but I really have no idea. I dry off with my towel and contemplate offering to mop the floor where I was stationed because I'm sure it's disgusting over there. I put my mat away and the instructor tells me 'Good job.' 'Thanks,' I mutter in reply. I decide she's very impressed that I kept going, even though she was probably very aware that I was having a hard time and she wanted to encourage me.

I go home and take my second shower of the day before noon, and spend the rest of the day attempting to recover. If I'm feeling up to it, I'll go again next Saturday.